Current mood:
hot Category: Life
I feel like the yeasty stars are ceremonializing on my skin, dancing and singing and celebrating the coming of the being within me, kicking and flailing and twittering within me. Kicking little hills, now you see them now you don't, on the side of my stomach. Kicking or grazing my cervix, its something I don't mind as much, it used to sting like an unwelcome needle burning hot, now it feels like a painful pleasure, a stretching and opening of my cervix, preparing to open up and let out the burning passionate sun within me, the new universe within a universe within a universe.
Lucid Conscious Joy.
I was playfully suggesting the name Lucifer, the father made a somewhat horrified and shocked face initially, sometimes still grimaces when I bring that name idea up, what's wrong with Lucifer?
Doesn't it mean tower of light? Can you let me know what is wrong with pain and suffering? Isn't it part of the process of birthing, maybe that is why so many find giving birth a "tragedy" or "something to cure" in a hospital, because pain and suffering are so very shunned by many beings just like age, wrinkles, chin and ear hairs, are shunned. Its part of nature. Oh yeah, nature often is shunned too.
I didn't start writing to be cynical though. Nor to be skeptical, nor to be condemningly critical to any body or any thought pattern nor mindset.
Actually I didn't plan to write at all, and now it is 4:20pm and here I sit and the chair i am sitting on is slightly cutting of the circulation of my femoral arteries making my legs tingle with a warmth that says, hey the blood flow is unusually, suddenly slow.
Body consciousness. We all have it, some deny it, some forget they have it, some don't believe in it like some don't believe that pain and suffering have a purpose or that god doesn't exist.
Fear is useful, it has a purpose, even when it causes someone to gag out a gall bladder or kidney...
Fear, perhaps is involved with instinct.
What are some pros and cons of fear?
Pro numbah 1: Fear may make someone aware of a potential situation that may cause the ending of life for them or someone else and help prevent it from happening
Con numbah 2: Fear can become a dominating force within a person's mind/life in such a way as to prevent growing and learning from experience.
Progesterone #3: Fear creates sexually transmitted diseases, black plagues, death, plastic boobies, cat castrations, doggie dens, sucralose and acetelepathyomine, hair dye, tooth paste, life insurance...cmon...life insurance? Does a paper and money back up insure life to keep going? For real?
Bwuah haggle hag hag hag
Protein Ivory #4: Fear challenges, fear encourages change, fear gives opportunities to see the lighter side of life, see humor, opportunities to be brave, walk in the darkness, or appreciate the lightness,
think funny
I heard that is all you have to do in order to be a comedian. Some people get angry if you laugh about some matter they find seriously important. What if a lack of laughter causes retardation, spiritual mental physical retardation. I mean, how many people have to take viagra, buy lubricant for dry vadge, dress up to get excited? Physical retardation, that's what I mean. Perhaps then, sexual retardation.
Isn't life sexy? I think it ought to be. I think a man or woman who weighs more than is ideal in this country and accepts, loves and sees themselves as worthy and capable, that is sexy. They are sexy, for each soft teddy bear arm, extra rounded butt cheek, double serving of cheese, that is sexy. A canopy of stars and planets filling them like creative tadpoles and life orbs waiting to create, create, create.
All this is, is. I am writing, writing I am. Some nonsensical, some sensical, some weirdohood.
I am a weirdo, so are you.
"She's weird."
It gives me the creeps.
I am a creep-ard.
I am a potential "bad guy" but also "good guy" but also just guy.
I won't say more because I don't want to. Paranoia.
Well. I don't know what buttons I could be pressing if I write and say certain things.
I heard that writing is a opportunity to help create the future...
How bout a short story?
About a Ragdoll named Randy and a Salamander named Tamara.
The ragdoll with electric blue hair and lime margarita green yarn strands for hair.
With swirling purple and blood buttons for eyes and a facial expression that sees mischievous humor in everything not worrying a stitch what others may think, although, what others think is part of where he sees the humor and chortles and snortles and gaggles and haggles and it tickles and prickles his senses, the whiskers that surround the outside of his amoeba like soul.
Randy wasn't always a Ragdoll, once he was a she, she was once a he, and he was once a he she. All in different lives. Luckily, when Randy was a heshe, it was in a time where hermaphrodites were honored and revered alongside felines and a myriad of different gods. Think Cairo, or just think Egypt, the Nile River, not the denial river.
Androgynous qualities were always seen first in each passing human being, not the first visible imperfection or the first verbal projection of a perceive inner imperfection, but how well blended is the masculine and the feminine? That was the first question in most each mind because the main God was a perfect visage of male and female blended, yet so beyond male and female, so shiningly beautiful that this deity could not be looked at for too long or the sight would be snatched away, many people looked anyway, and became blinded to the outside world which wasn't necessarily a bad thing for them, although they were seen as somewhat bizarre for putting such a spell on their own head.
So Randy, when he was a heshe, hesheritim. Walking around naked, illuminated by the God, blindingly beautiful. Stood 7 feet something tall, bronzy chocolate skin drizzling over lean taut muscle, body like a panther cobra with long elegant arms like the medium thick branches of a eucalyptous tree, smooth. Hair tips tickling his toes, glowing a blue black, reminding many of the stories of tsunami riddled oceans captured in each wavy lock, often fashioned in a long back braid, like a lions tail except starting from the head and not the ass.
Some wondered if the cerebral cortex had an extended, extra spinal cord there, wrapped in the oceanous locks of darkest midnight blue hair. (Yes, a "fan" reference to avatar...<3)
When her life ended, hesheritim exploded into a hundred thousand lotus blossoms, like sparks from several fireworks, and each lotus blossom touched and transformed a being, empowering, bringing life to dreams, imaginings, hopes, faith but also pain and suffering.
So continues the dualistic universe of good and evil, Hesheritim is not against the good and evil, nor picks sides from the ying yang, but embraces it as whole instead of picking it apart and throwing away other aspect.
So, Randy, still having that piece of his life with him, that illustriously androgynous and holy past life of hesheritim within him and a part of him, embraces the holistic approach of life. Being all accepting of everything he gets the chance to witness or experience. Some begrudge him this clarity. But not tamara the salamander, that slimy purple and fish bowl blue speckled salamander.
And together, they paint the world however they like together because they both realize the deepest secrets of the universe, and with it, they color new forests, make new creatures and uncover new formulas. SOmetimes Randy, with his special magician powers transforms Tamara herself into the paintbrush which has always a generous coating of paint hugging onto the bristles of the brush and all Randy or Tamara has to do is to visualize and think of what color they want to use and the paint on the brush makes that color as the brush goes down on the invisible paper that is the world, the universe, the all.
Sometimes Tamara opens her mouth wide and swallows Randy, and for a while, like a anaconda, she sleeps, and does he inside her, and she dreams. Dreaming as in deliberately consciously visualizing, imagining new ideas through images, through music and color, like a movie, yes she directs movies, 3 minutes, sometimes 40 days long, meditational. Some of her dreams have been about Lush Rainforests filled with millions of creatures, some with 6 legs some with 9 legs, sometimes she dreams up catastrophic scenes of flame decorated houses that people live in, and the flame is normal there, and people accept it, and there are bugs that bite and suck people to weakness, and the people accept that too, and sometimes Tamara dreams up experimental worlds that don't seem to have a point, like a Wonderland, but in ways so mysterious, there are creative brilliant GENIUS riddles and creative metaphors that decorate the proverbial world she visualizes.
While Tamara visualizes all this, Randy, like a juicy caterpillar is now a chrysallis though inside is a bunch of who knows what, sludgy primordial fluids and juices of all colors and liquids see through and not see through, wriggling and squirming, and what takes place inside tamaras mind directly effects the insides of Randy the ragdoll.
When Tamara is ready, she starts humming a nonverabal chant to her sacred passage way. To her lizard vagina, she sings, and she ohmmmms, and she closes her eyes and they roll up inside her head with patience, peace, and deliberate decisive choice making action. She has made a choice to be ready to give birth to her dreamings, to her imaginings, and through her close friend Randy, it is happening, she visualizes now the tender yet resilient and impressively flexible flesh that is her cervix and also her vagina opening, like an anus that has not stretching limits. Opening, like a mouth that is voicing its deepest passions, using its capacity without remorse regret or fear to hold back.
And she feels the opening, it is warm and pulsing with blood, the veins and the cells that ar stretching, life is tingling and burning like the sun coming through inside her. She becomes one with the pain, the sensation, rather than go against it, she slowly dives into this river, instead of walling herself up in a brickwall against it, pounding against it, wailing and fearing against it, because doing that might break the diamond crystal package, delicate yet fortuitous, inside her. her dreams might be taken from her, but she is centered when she becomes one.
Ohmmmmm she chants to herself, to randy, to the trees and stars, to the dolphins, to mars, to the homicidal maniacs and to the saintly servants in Africa and Japan, to the severely judging movie and fundamental religion critics, to the babies that never made it past the womb.
Sometimes, this has happened to Tamara, before she embraced the purpose of all things, of all existence, she feared fear, she shunned pain and suffering, running from it, rather than facing it and learning from it. Learning that the pain, the suffering, everything was and is a part of her, inside of her. Nothing is separate, she realized. So crystal dreams shattered inside her rather than be successfully passed through the passage way of her cervix and vagina shaped heartway out into existence. The shattering caused by the fear of pain and pain of fear lasted longer than the fear of pain and the pain of fear.
---
Randy helped Tamara, he suggested the idea to her after she spoke passionately of her desire to let her imaginings, so pure so real and true to herself and all, contribute to the world, to eternity. Randy suggested she swallow him, embrace his going inside her, deep inside her, growing inside her. Let him feel all she feels and sees, tell him in whispers, tell him telephatically what she values and loves. So she let him go inside her, she swallowed him whole for the first time, and it opened up a lot of wounds, it hurt, the first time, it shattered inside her and caused pain for a long long time. But then she realized that the pain was not bad, the pain was not good either. THe pain just is, she realized through experience, her own beliefs about good and evil and that both are one with each other, married, ever connected, whats more, realizing that good and evil love and accept eachother. One side of the same coin.
---
Slowly she ohhms more, and then she continues visualizing herself yawning opening, allowing this life inside her to go into another part of her, another manifestation of her, the outside reality. Being one with the pain, facing the pain gave her liberty to transform the pain, like an alchemist transforms lead to gold. Like a person shifting from one side of the cherry tree to the other in order to see how juicy and plentiful the cherries are.
Orgasms of life light love darkness shadow raked her inside and out, caused her to shiver and shake and hum like a volcanic eruption, like an earthquake, energy passing through her, life, an electric current, intense, invigorating. And Randy slowly passed as if walking down a hall to meet the bride. That is how he passed through her sacred passageway.
And this dream, did not shatter, it sparkled and sparkles. Glows with double arched rainbows and rainbow sherbet, and moldy potatoes, and dead fish, and Hand crafted gold circlets with diamonds hot glued on.
Birds flying out of yellowstone geyser.
Fire dancing and tickling trees and the places in between peoples legs and crevices of brain.
Lights turning on in peoples eyes, lights turning off in peoples eyes.
Animal-People Alliances
Nature-People Alliances
People-People Alliances
Peace, War.
Life, Death.
Sex.
Respect.
Honesty.
Mindful Indulgence,
Pleasure found in Pain
Pain found in pleasure
bothe useful.
Bothe wonderful
oooh ahhhh.
Yessss.....yessss!
Diseases tell stories,
tell centuries,
tell millenia
Death, in all forms is honorable and not intolerable.
Murder, genocide, assassination...
All this, cancer, aids, brain degeneration...
mental illness, herpes, alcoholism....
What's wrong with that?
Nothing!
Why hide from what's in this world?
It's all inside, it's all inside.
Dying is not the end of the world, not the end of your world.
I love the lines and wrinkles on elderlies faces.
I love the weirdohood of weirdos.
I love the idiosyncrasies and neuroses
I am learning to love it more fully and curiously without being killed like the cat.
Because I guess some people will try to murdalize you because they hate themselves so much
Or because they find it a artful form of self expression
or because they don't want your ideas to exist in this world.
Or just because that is the part of life to die. If a person dosen't shoot you, then The reaper will reap you.
But that is part of it, duh. Why scary?
Death is natural.
Evil is natural.
Its here isn't it?
Just as much as good is.
What you got against evil yo?
P.s. I am not an evil mongerer, and I appreciate peace, understanding, tranquility, repesct and love
I feel like there are "evil" sides to what I just mentioned, and to understand the whole of love ya gotta understand evil, yo!
The dark side of life just as much as the sunny!
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